After we broke up and everything was done and I moved out and Dennis came along. Dennis seemed like it for me! I was amazed by him... I even thought he was funny, charming and over all great guy who had his things together. We started dating right after Bruce and I were split and it was great for me. I knew what I was doing and I was an adult that had her feelings inline and knew what she wanted. The more that I spent time with Dennis the more I would think about Bruce. I would look at Dennis at times and I would see Bruce. I would talk to him and I was almost say his name. I thought there for a while that maybe God was giving me a sign that Bruce wasn't out of my system and that I needed to take some time and sort things out with Bruce. Although I would normally listen to those feelings I didn't. Time went on and I was really feeling Dennis on and off. I thought one day that I liked him and then the order I thought I was just missing Bruce and that's the normal feelings and it would go away-Boy was I wrong. Things were happening with Dennis that I could see that he was having a conflict with his emotions to cause he had broken up with someone too.... but I never thought anything of it. Then one day about 2 weeks ago we broke it off after 4 months. I wasn't that sad, and I didn't cry. I just felt like what the hell is wrong with me??? I wasn't ready to date anyone either.... I wasn't ready to give my self 100% but at the same time I was upset at Dennis. I was upset for him having feelings for someone else. why???? He said that he wanted to be my friend.... and I refused. I haven't said a word to him since then our conversation about us going our own ways. There are days like today where I just want to IM him while I'm at work to just talk to him and tell him everything that I'm feeling, but then I come to my senses and I just ignore him, and ignore the situation. After all that being said and all that I wrote I see more clearly. I'm not going to go for someone else. I'm not going to go on Match to look for maybe what might be someone else who will pass my time. I'm going to slow down, spend some time making new friends and enjoying what it's like to become ADEN again. Maybe after taking that time and Bruce taking his time to get to know him we will be able to work though or issues. With that being said I will end this on a good note that I am optimistic about my new found time to get to rediscover me. I don't need someone to complete me, I need someone who will help bring out the best in me and I can only find that person by getting to know who I really am for them to bring it out in me to begin with.
So today is one of those days where I feel all weird inside. I don't really know why and I really don't have any reason to be feeling that way. I've had my friends around me and I've been keeping busy in order to avoid thinking about being away from Bruce and also from Dennis as well... but some how or another today I just feel like I'm not all there. I feel lonely and I can't be cause I have people around me all day long. I'm talking and chatting to everyone I know today and I still feel lonely. Usually when I feel this way I will go out and do something with a guy that I like or think is cute or maybe even talk to Bruce because I know that will make me feel wanted or loved or something to that extent. However, I just won't do it. I won't call Bruce I, I won't call Dennis and I won't get on Match to talk or flirt with someone this time. I need to have some time to get to know my self. I need time away from guys. I have been dating someone for what feels to be like my whole life. It all started with Brian... and then after our long romance and me falling head over heals in love and wanting to marry him he shattered my heart into a million little pieces. I thought for sure I would never get over him... and then along came another distraction named Joe. Joe was someone who was BAD ASS. He was the one that my parents didn't want me to be with ever!!! They did everything in their power for us not to see one another and I did everything to be with him that I could. You think that I would take my parents advice and not date him thinking that they might know what they were talking about-but NO! Needless to Joe was an asshole and he slept with my best friend! I wasn't friends with her or him after that but it hurt like hell and I felt lonely for a long time like no one would love me. My loneliness didn't last that long cause Rishi came right after Joe. Rishi and I were together, why I have no idea cause we had nothing in common! Rishi was just there to pass the time and well we didn't last too long. Rishi and I were dating when I was looking online and came across Bruce! Yes, another person right after another.... I broke it off with Rishi cause I was falling for Bruce. Bruce and I hit it off and lets just say I fell harder than anything. I was in love with him so bad that it hurt to be without him. We lasted 7+ years and have a 3 year old daughter Marli together. After all the issues that surrounded Bruce and I breaking up I thought for sure that I was over him and ready to move on with my life and wanted someone who I thought was going to WOW me and make me feel like a princess. When Bruce and I broke it off I was so mad it didn't hurt at all. I cried to be honest, but I have no idea why I was crying. I didn't know if I was upset because Bruce and I weren't together or because I was alone and didn't know what to do with my self?